How to find a Man

Guys are not very observant. I don’t want to be seen as male bashing, but it is a scientific fact. An experiment was carried out on business men checking into a hotel in America. After the men had checked in, they were asked if they had seen anyone else in the lobby. 80% of the men responded that they had seen only one other customer.


The reality was that no other customer was present in the lobby during this time. However, a large mirror had been erected at the end of the check in desk. QED, 80% of men did not recognise their own reflection. Is it any wonder they don’t notice when you get your hair done or wear a new outfit!


The one thing however that all men can observe and with all 5 senses, is desperation. No matter how short the skirt or low cut the top, the merest hint of desperation will set the man running.


When I see a woman, of a certain age, glancing desperately around the bar ( occasionally, this is me looking at my own reflection ) I am reminded of the scene in “To Kill A Mockingbird”.


One day a dog is spotted limping into town, dragging one hind leg, foaming at the mouth, with a dazed but crazy look. Even though it is a distance away everyone knows it is a rabid dog. I think men spot desperate women in the same way.



Now in the defence of single women this is not a deliberate look, we end up wearing it as we are worn down by society. The volley of Bridget Jonesque questions, ( still single, no man yet, is it not time for you to settle down ) is enough to turn any sane woman rabid in appearance.


Of course the attempts not to appear desperate turn into a vicious circle, you are so desperate not to seem desperate, that you appear even more desperate. We seem to wear our desperation like one of those cloying perfumes from the 19080's, like Samsara or Opium - l'eau d'esperation.


My solution to this dilemma is St. Jude ( patron saint of lost causes ). You know what happens when you are looking for something that you haven’t seen in a while, like your ski gear. You hunt high and low with no success. The more you look, the more frantic you become. You find yourself checking the same press 20 times, even though you know it is not there.


Eventually, in desperation, you give up, say a prayer to St Jude ( patron saint of hopeless causes) in the hope it will turn up. Sure enough, at some later stage of indeterminate time, it shows up, generally when you are looking for something completely different.

I have resolved this shall be my approach. I will offer up any latent desperation, focus on what I have, instead of worrying of what might be lost or found. The secret to finding a man is to stop looking.