A few years ago I was completely turned off engagement rings as they have become such a love status symbol. He loves me 2 carats, VS1 clarity and J colour. After all who wants to be the girl who is only loved by 0.25 of a carat? The ring status fever has now spread to weddings.A discussion on the lovely Rick O’Shea* show yesterday, highlighted the growing pressure on couples getting married. One poor girl thought she might have to cancel the wedding as they couldn’t agree on who to invite. Happy be the days when the only issue was if, and not how, you got married.
The problem is that weddings are becoming increasingly commercial and homogenized. Each couple and their family trying to keep up or out do everyone else. You really can put a price on love in modern Ireland.
“Brides of Franc,” a TV show following a wedding planner and 6 couples was amazing viewing. The biggest shock for me was the number of couples and parents who went into debt for the wedding.
I suspect wedding vows will have to change in the future:
"for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer until such time as we have both repaid the cost of today’s wedding with a 5 year fixed interest loan. Amen"
The cost of an average wedding is around 25k. Most couples would have to work a year to pay for that one day. Why not just take a year off work and spend it together? Am sure you would manage to create a few good memories. What would you rather remember? The week you went camping and shagged on the beach or getting Aunty Mary to put in her false teeth for the church family picture.
I have seen brides in tears because someone spilt red wine on the top table, the band didn't play enough Abba or a host of other minor things that seem to take over when you are getting married.
The best weddings, I think, have very little to do with beef or salmon, party favors and designer dresses. For me it is all about a relaxed, happy and palpably in love couple sharing their day with close family and friends.
My sister got married in our back garden, in a dress she made herself. The crowd was small but everyone knew each other and the bar was free and flowing.
We didn’t have posh cars, a champagne reception and all the other things that now seem to be so important. Yet, it still managed to be the best wedding I have ever attended. Maybe love does conquer all ?
Sindo Comparison:
Intro with story about engagement ring - check
Discuss scale and cost of modern weddings - check
End with personal wedding story - check
Get the Sindo to send me a - cheque
* Rick is an excellent Irish DJ and web whore. Check out his blog, bebo, myspace....
24 comments:
I agree entirely that too much is made of weddings, but a lot of the pressure about the guest lists comes squarely from the families involved. In Ireland everyone seems to know who their second and third cousins are, and they all seem to expect an invite. Family politics is a delicate thing! A shame though - I reckon it should be friends and immediate family only, and shrug off the guilt trips.
Hello - Someone made the valid point yesterday that even if you have the extended family with around 300 people there you haven't a hope of talking to them anyway. waste of time - damn catholic guilt!
Just wait until Gay Marriage comes in - then you'll really see how over the top weddings can be :-)
My cousin had intended on having her wedding in Northern Cyprus, to keep the crowd - and costs - low, and to build in the honeymoon with the wedding.
Unfortunately, due to a family issue, it didn't pan out that way, but it would have been a good idea.
Don't entirely agree on the foreign option- I'm going to my second wedding abroad shortly and it's set to be just like the last one...the same big crowd that would attend if it were at home, just in the sunshine - it's just another way to show you can spend money!!!
Con - am already invited to two, so can't wait til the law changes, hooray!
Dario / Amy - like the theory of foreign wedding but not sure re the costs for couples and guests.
Yowsers. Do people really pay attention to anything I say on the radio.....? :-) No mention I notice of your question that I put to Brian O'Driscoll for you yesterday...
http://www.rte.ie/2fm/rickoshea/rams/2007/brianodriscoll.smil
:-)
Rick - Loved the way you suggested the nude calendar, EXCELLENT IDEA. Happy to act if photographer / make-up artist etc.
Will do a proper link.
Thanks for the question and plug ! Stop calling me a "fellow" blogger, keep telling you I'm a girl.
Fellowette then? :-)
I had my wedding in my parent's garden with immediate family only. I employed a friend to cater and he brought everything, crockery, cutlery, food and even stacking chairs for the garden. We had another friend in the pub trade and he sorted the booze and the glasses for us. We had Guinness on tap and the men enjoyed pulling their own pints.
My outfit cost £75 in Pat Crowley’s, I liked it the minute I saw it and she had it made up in a size 9 for me. Perhaps that was because I insisted that my father should see it before I bought it. When he walked in Pat realised she knew him, and he her, from her days working at Irene Gilbert’s on St Stephen’s Green.
My brother and sister-in-law were witnesses and we told them to wear whatever they wanted. My godmother provided the flowers as part of her gift and a cousin took the photographs. With only 24 guests present it was amusing to see five women all dresses in pink!
That was 30 years ago and the top of the outfit still fits me!
How right you are FS that the prodigious expense of weddings has little to do with making it the right ambience for the couple and a lot to do with keeping up with the Joneses. How difficult it is for the spouses-to-be to resist the collective nagging of relatives, would-be guests, workmates, media images etc and stick to their original idea of tying the knot. Whatever happened to a simple and dignified "I do" without all the accompanying circus?
Rick - bloggette ? :-)
Granny - what an amazing wedding to have, imagine it was great. Result on still being able to get into your outfit.
Nick - does sometimes seem like a circus, but a few couples do manage to rise above it.
Got married in West Cork - 30 guests - drove own (old classic) car (as opposed to wife) to and from church - champers out of the boot under an old aqueduct beside the sea - slightly odourous trawler across the inlet to restaurant in Glandore - music from a couple of CDs we compiled.
Best wedding ever according to the select thirty.
The marriage, unfortunately, wasn't near as good. Can't remember how much the wedding cost but twas a damn sight cheaper than the divorce!!
M.
I've been to a few deadly ones - one in Iceland was particularly memorable, and we were just at one in Rome which was also funtastic. Both couples did what they wanted and both were a huge amount of fun, as opposed to endless tedium punctuated by speeches.
What a great post Flirty!
Living in America we went to some god awful weddings... most ending in divorce! Will never forget the dry one in the church hall... decorations consisted of paper plates and helium balloons... over at nine, tragic... nevermind the bride being a right bridezilla!
Looking back though I wish we had done what you say had a smaller simple wedding and not invited all the people we did (my Mam did that is) If I had to do it over I would be in Vegas letting Elvis marry me! LOL!
http://www.smartbride.ie is a new resource thoug... her tagline is "How to have a Champagne Wedding on a Bucks Fizz Budget" - great lady might be a resource in the future!! ;-)
On the ring thing... I am so with you! Mine is just under half a carat and more than enough... what makes it even better is that I know he put money towards it every week from his paycheck until it was paid... makes all the difference.
long winded... sorry!
Anon - sounds like an amazing day, can't beat bubbly from the boot! Can't predict the end but at least you had a good start.
Kirstie - wow Iceland that's a new one. As long as the couple is happy that's all that matters.
Humble - I love that about the ring, you both know how much it means which is priceless, well done you !
Here here!My husband and I married in a registry office, the guests waited for me inside while my husband stood outside waiting for me, we walked in together while a friend played 'Tabhar dom do lámh' on guitar.We had lunch with about 80 friends and family afterwards and then a massive party later that night with trad music and a hip hop DJ we both love.I took off my dress and we danced with our closest friends and family til dawn.One of the happiest days of our lives.
Party favours were stones I'd picked up on a beach and painted everyones names on.
We spent nothing like the amount mentioned.
Ha ha ha I should also add I took off my dress and PUT ON my jeans.I looked fab in my converse and my tiara!
Is It - glad you corrected the dress issue, now that would be a wedding to remember, a naked dancing bride.
Love the stone idea must have taken you ages, am so borrowing that idea if I ever get married.
There's lots of ways to save money if you can be creative. I'm getting married in June, registry office, rehearsal and small lunch for immediate family and wedding party on 1st June (being catered by family).
Then on 23rd June a ceremony at the hotel and the party etc afterwards. Room will be decorated with purple and silver helium filled ballons (sorry humble housewife!) as they are cheaper than flowers, we're bringing our own wine, food is a buffet as it's €20 a head cheaper than being served to table.
Mum's cousin is doing the wedding photos as a gift, aunt is doing the bridal bouquet and buttonholes as a present, mum is making my dress. The favours we made up ourselves from shot glasses to be filled with cadbury's mini-eggs and the place names will be tied to them.
Finally to tie the theme together we will print the menus and seating plans on the same paper we used for the invites.
In the end, it boils down to under 10k for a wedding with circa 120 people sitting down to dinner - not bad really!
Elly - think you have a job as a wedding planner, impressive!
Thanks flirty, the stone idea gives you a lovely day out walking on the beach with your fiancé and I bought paint in marker form so the drawing of the flowers took half an hour for them all and then I used a thick gold pen to write the names on.In total it cost about €10 to do.
I keep visiting friends and family and finding they've kept them and used them as paperweights atc to remind them of our wedding.Call me when the wedding comes up I have tons of these ideas.
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